Is pregnancy and motherhood just doom and gloom? - August 2024 Babies | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

Okay, so this is some pretty classic black and white thinking and like all areas of life, parenting has lots of gray. Those first few months (from just my experience) are a lot of surviving and just trying to make it, however after you get the hang of things and get your baby on a routine (if that's your thing) then you can plan and if you have a supportive partner (which sounds like your friend does not) then you can absolutely get so much done and enjoy your life.

we can't prep or plan for everything and we do have to learn how to be a bit more flexible but your life isn't a dumpster fire after kids and it sounds like this is just how your friend is.

I mean, labor and delivery and motherhood are definitely both things where A LOT is out of your control. Is it all doom and gloom? Of course not. But yeah, what you say are "excuses to justify everything" are definitely valid sometimes. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old. He's speech delayed and has no real words. My home is messy a lot of the time. I have to basically always watch him because if he gets upset he'll immediately start throwing his toys or banging his head or run to hit me. If I'm not watching him there's no real way for me to figure out why he's upset so I can help him. So I'm super limited to what I can do during the day. I nap when he naps because that's the only break I get. We run out of certain groceries quickly because this kid will eat his weight in berries and fruit if he could. And yeah, I'm too tired to cook more than I would like to admit. Did I plan to have a 2 year old with no speech who needed me to be watching him pretty much all the time? Nope. But it happened, and I'm doing the best that I can.

There's a lot that we can't predict. Life happens. You just learn to adjust and deal with it. I'm expecting number two in less than 2 months. My first was an amazing sleeper from the start and was an overall chill, happy baby for the first year. I HIGHLY doubt I'll get that lucky again. It's going to be an adjustment for all of us, and I'm totally aware of that. It's scary and exciting.

I do think that FTM's tend to eat their words about certain things because they just genuinely have no idea what motherhood is like. Your body goes through so many hormonal changes, you're adjusting to now being responsible for a tiny human, your baby is the priority instead of you, etc. So there are plenty of FTM's who say "I'm going to meal prep all my baby's food and clean when they're napping and never use screen time and take my baby outside twice a day everyday and always get myself ready everyday" and then they actually have the baby and it's a different story lol.

My advice would be to just understand that life is unpredictable, and motherhood is just part of that. Do what you can to enjoy it. Give yourself grace and understand that what you planned for and what reality is may be two different things, and that's okay! Figure out what's important for you to maintain from your pre-motherhood life and make that a priority. Self care is important. For example, I don't care to wear makeup and do my hair everyday, but I know that, for some moms, it makes them feel so much better if they get to put themselves together everyday. So if that's important for you then find a way to make it happen.

I'll also add that having an involved partner also makes a HUGE difference.

Everyone’s capacity for chaos ranges. With our first it was shocking how many checks we had to do to leave for early doctors appointments- paci, diapers, wipes, pumped milk+ice packs, spit cloths, change of clothes, travel sound machine, etc. before it was just wallet, keys, phone. Keeping diaper bag stocked is a whole new job.

Also you’re tracking how often baby poops/pees (cause the doctors ask) and for me, managing my pain from c section recovery (meds schedule). We were insanely tired so functioning was hard. Even past newborn stage, our abilities (or desires) to go out were diminished because of how tired we were and how involved it is.

I suspect some are just better at the chaos. Some people are higher energy, extroverted and determined not to lose their time with friends and going out. It all depends on so many factors/priorities.